The Phrase from an Unknown Book

I left the show before the headliners even came on. Jane showed up with her new boy and I wanted to avoid any wars of words or fists to faces. I had nothing against the guy but in those situations it’s considered ill mannered to punch the girl and he’s the one standing there with his popped collar and pooka-shell necklace looking like a homemade douche.

I turned the corner to walk up 9th street to my car. I couldn’t believe she was with that guy. I never will understand girls. It’s like when they break up with you they run to the polar opposite of everything you represent. Me, I just look for another dark haired catholic girl just like the last one.

“Say man, anything you have can help.”

The bum offering to help park peoples’ cars interrupted my thought and I waved him off with a hand gesture. He turned away and mumbled to the street, “B’side the river… touchin’ feelin’s gone…turnin’ over like pages in a book.”

I stopped and turned to watch him walk away. I wanted to run after him but my feet were glued to the pavement. It wasn’t the exact quote I recalled but similar enough to knock me backwards to being 12 years old again.

My uncle was lying in the hospital waiting to die. All of the family had been taking turns sitting with him for the past three weeks. I got the shift after school from three to seven. I was supposed to be doing homework but I always just ended up slinking down in the guest chair and watching TV.

At least once a shift I’d go down the hall past the nurses station to see if that pretty brunette was working. I’d shyly look at her and she’d give me a smile and a wave that kept me enthralled till the next day.

The final day I was there the pretty nurse wasn’t working. It was the older one who was really sweet but just not as attractive to a 12-year-old. I got my Coke and candy and made my way back to the room. My uncle was lying motionless with his eyes closed. I plopped down and started my snack and flipping through the channels. I settled on Jeopardy! I tried to imagine being a contestant. I bet if I won the game then Belinda from my school would have to go out with me. Ha! I could snub her and go for Annie, the mousy-haired nerd in the gifted class. Just like the movies had taught me.

Deep in thought, I was shocked to see motion out of the corner of my eye. My uncle had moved his hand. I jumped a little since he had not so much as blinked without being prompted by a doctor or nurse since he’d arrived here. I stood up and he was looking at the ceiling. I grabbed his hand, and as if he was a talking stuffed animal, he instantly started speaking.

“We walked beside the river, hands touching but the feeling gone, leaves turning over as our feet shuffled past like pages in a book we'd already read.”

The extended beep of his vital signs flat-lining punctuated his sentence. A crash team burst through the doors and pushed me aside trying to revive him to no avail.

I became an avid reader after that incident and had poured through books for years trying to find that phrase even though my parents dismissed it as dead man mumbles. I had never found it or heard of it until today.